[DeTomaso] Hilarious helmet for sale ad

[MikeLDrew at aol.com]

Hi guys,

While trolling the internet looking for good deals for people to buy helmets 
so they can join the fun on the track in Las Vegas in just FOUR WEEKS, I 
stumbled across this ad for a helmet for sale.   It's actually the text plucked 
from an E-bay ad; the ad is now gone but the text says it all!

Mike

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Reprinted exactly from the ad (spelling/grammar are seller’s own):

This Helmet is like brand new. I bought it for my wife, but it's to

   small for her big fat head.You know, it was all a big lie right from

   the beginning. I asked her if she liked bikes, (i've been riding since

   i was 9 years old.) She's like "Yeah, I love Motorcycles, they're

 great!" Now, i'm thinking to myself, this chicks cool, she's hot, has

 big boobs, and loves motorcycles. I gotta snag this one up

   quick.Little did i know that as soon as i gave her the engagement

 ring, all that would change. First, it was a subtle hint, you know,

 that the wedding's going to be expensive, and that that band costs

   just as much as my motorcycle. With all these wedding plans going on,

 i hardly have time to ride my bike. I'm schleping all over the state

   looking at reception halls, listening to cheesy wedding bands, and

   picking out floral arrangements. She brings up the fact that i havn't

 ridden my bike in a while now, (No kidding!! She won't let me out of

   her sight for more than 5 minutes!) and that maybe i should sell it.

   Now, that brings a whole lot of tension into the situation. I'm like

   no way! Then i notice that our sex life has reduced dramatically. A

 man has gotta do, what he's gotta do, so, i sell the bike, thinking

 that things will get better. She promises me, that as soon as we get

   married, she'll get a good job, and then i can get another bike. We

 get married, and we're having sex everyday. Life is good. The Evil One

   is looking for work for like, 6 months. I find it hard to believe that

   she can't find a damn job, but who am i to say? She's just holding out

   for that Management position she says. To be quite honest, i really

 don't care, she's cleaning my pipes better than Roto Rooter. Then the

 kicker…She tells me she's pregnant. All the while i thought she was

 on the pill! I ask her how this happened, and she said the pill gave

   her facial hair. (I really couldn't see a difference, after all she is

   Italian). Fast Foward 9 months…i'm out breaking my back doing manual

   labor, she's a big, fat, hairy lipped beach ball, with the disposition

   of a rabid Pit Bull. Nothing i say, or do is good enough for her. The

 day she gave birth, i thought again, that things will change for the

   better. WRONG!! Now everythings about the baby. Me, i'm second fiddle.

   Sex life? Ha! The only time i get some action is when i see her breast

   feeding the little bastard! I'm going crazy, at least if i had a

   motorcycle, i could take out some of my frustration. Even the guys at

 work notice how miserable i've been. One day, my partner rolls up on a

   brand new bike. I wanted to commit suicide. He knows how bad i wanted

 another bike. He see's the look in my eye, and asks me if i would like

   to take it out for a spin Friday night. It was truly the first time i

 lit up since marrying that bitch. Friday rolls around, i cash my

   check, and head on over to my partners house. I cruise around for a

 while, and end up at this little bar on the edge of town. I head up to

   the bar, place my helmet on it, and order a beer. I look over and see

 this little hottie chatting it up with her friends. I notice that the

 eye contact is getting more and more frequent. After a few more

 minutes, she walks over to me and tells me she just loves motorcycles.

   That they get her "excited". I ask her if she wants to go for a ride.

 Her beautifully full lips widen with a pearly white smile. I take that

   as a yes. I grab her by the hand, and lead her to the bike. She straps

   on the spare helmet that was on the bike, and away we go. We ride for

 hours. She taps me on the shoulder, and tells me her apartment is on

   the next block. Would i want to stop in for a while and have another

   beer. Who am i to say no? I watch her lead the way, and i can't keep

   my eyes off of her tight lil' behind. I think back to the days when

 old hippo ass looked like this. Well, once upstairs, one beer turned

   into two, and so on. The next thing i know, i'm in bed with her, and

   she was amazing! It was the best expierence i have ever had. Right

   then i had an epiphany. I had to be happy. I wasn't going to live a

 miserable existance for the rest of my life and something had to be

 done. Long story short, i left my hairy beast of a wife. (She's done

   good since i left. She remarried an Appliance salesman named Harold.)

 While i was moving out, i came across the helmet. I don't ever want to

   be reminded of my miserable past life, so please, make a bid. I have a

   motorcycle payment to make! The helmet has no scratches, size MED and

 i would rate it a 9 out of 10 Winning bidder to Pay with PAYPAL ONLY.

 Winning Bidder to pay all Shipping costs. I ship UPS ONLY. No Zero or

 Negative Feedback Bidders.

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Now, there's a sales pitch!

Mike



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