[DeTomaso] Hilarious helmet for sale ad

[adin at frontier.net]

They shoot horses, don't they?


Quoting MikeLDrew at aol.com:

> Hi guys,
>
> While trolling the internet looking for good deals for people to buy helmets
> so they can join the fun on the track in Las Vegas in just FOUR WEEKS, I
> stumbled across this ad for a helmet for sale.   It's actually the   
> text plucked
> from an E-bay ad; the ad is now gone but the text says it all!
>
> Mike
>
> =====
>
>
> Reprinted exactly from the ad (spelling/grammar are seller’s own):
>
> This Helmet is like brand new. I bought it for my wife, but it's to
>
>    small for her big fat head.You know, it was all a big lie right from
>
>    the beginning. I asked her if she liked bikes, (i've been riding since
>
>    i was 9 years old.) She's like "Yeah, I love Motorcycles, they're
>
>  great!" Now, i'm thinking to myself, this chicks cool, she's hot, has
>
>  big boobs, and loves motorcycles. I gotta snag this one up
>
>    quick.Little did i know that as soon as i gave her the engagement
>
>  ring, all that would change. First, it was a subtle hint, you know,
>
>  that the wedding's going to be expensive, and that that band costs
>
>    just as much as my motorcycle. With all these wedding plans going on,
>
>  i hardly have time to ride my bike. I'm schleping all over the state
>
>    looking at reception halls, listening to cheesy wedding bands, and
>
>    picking out floral arrangements. She brings up the fact that i havn't
>
>  ridden my bike in a while now, (No kidding!! She won't let me out of
>
>    her sight for more than 5 minutes!) and that maybe i should sell it.
>
>    Now, that brings a whole lot of tension into the situation. I'm like
>
>    no way! Then i notice that our sex life has reduced dramatically. A
>
>  man has gotta do, what he's gotta do, so, i sell the bike, thinking
>
>  that things will get better. She promises me, that as soon as we get
>
>    married, she'll get a good job, and then i can get another bike. We
>
>  get married, and we're having sex everyday. Life is good. The Evil One
>
>    is looking for work for like, 6 months. I find it hard to believe that
>
>    she can't find a damn job, but who am i to say? She's just holding out
>
>    for that Management position she says. To be quite honest, i really
>
>  don't care, she's cleaning my pipes better than Roto Rooter. Then the
>
>  kicker…She tells me she's pregnant. All the while i thought she was
>
>  on the pill! I ask her how this happened, and she said the pill gave
>
>    her facial hair. (I really couldn't see a difference, after all she is
>
>    Italian). Fast Foward 9 months…i'm out breaking my back doing manual
>
>    labor, she's a big, fat, hairy lipped beach ball, with the disposition
>
>    of a rabid Pit Bull. Nothing i say, or do is good enough for her. The
>
>  day she gave birth, i thought again, that things will change for the
>
>    better. WRONG!! Now everythings about the baby. Me, i'm second fiddle.
>
>    Sex life? Ha! The only time i get some action is when i see her breast
>
>    feeding the little bastard! I'm going crazy, at least if i had a
>
>    motorcycle, i could take out some of my frustration. Even the guys at
>
>  work notice how miserable i've been. One day, my partner rolls up on a
>
>    brand new bike. I wanted to commit suicide. He knows how bad i wanted
>
>  another bike. He see's the look in my eye, and asks me if i would like
>
>    to take it out for a spin Friday night. It was truly the first time i
>
>  lit up since marrying that bitch. Friday rolls around, i cash my
>
>    check, and head on over to my partners house. I cruise around for a
>
>  while, and end up at this little bar on the edge of town. I head up to
>
>    the bar, place my helmet on it, and order a beer. I look over and see
>
>  this little hottie chatting it up with her friends. I notice that the
>
>  eye contact is getting more and more frequent. After a few more
>
>  minutes, she walks over to me and tells me she just loves motorcycles.
>
>    That they get her "excited". I ask her if she wants to go for a ride.
>
>  Her beautifully full lips widen with a pearly white smile. I take that
>
>    as a yes. I grab her by the hand, and lead her to the bike. She straps
>
>    on the spare helmet that was on the bike, and away we go. We ride for
>
>  hours. She taps me on the shoulder, and tells me her apartment is on
>
>    the next block. Would i want to stop in for a while and have another
>
>    beer. Who am i to say no? I watch her lead the way, and i can't keep
>
>    my eyes off of her tight lil' behind. I think back to the days when
>
>  old hippo ass looked like this. Well, once upstairs, one beer turned
>
>    into two, and so on. The next thing i know, i'm in bed with her, and
>
>    she was amazing! It was the best expierence i have ever had. Right
>
>    then i had an epiphany. I had to be happy. I wasn't going to live a
>
>  miserable existance for the rest of my life and something had to be
>
>  done. Long story short, i left my hairy beast of a wife. (She's done
>
>    good since i left. She remarried an Appliance salesman named Harold.)
>
>  While i was moving out, i came across the helmet. I don't ever want to
>
>    be reminded of my miserable past life, so please, make a bid. I have a
>
>    motorcycle payment to make! The helmet has no scratches, size MED and
>
>  i would rate it a 9 out of 10 Winning bidder to Pay with PAYPAL ONLY.
>
>  Winning Bidder to pay all Shipping costs. I ship UPS ONLY. No Zero or
>
>  Negative Feedback Bidders.
>
> =====
>
> Now, there's a sales pitch!
>
> Mike
>
>
>
> **************
> Create a Home Theater Like the Pros. Watch the video on AOL
> Home.
>       (http://home.aol.com/diy/home-improvement-eric-stromer?video=15&
> ncid=aolhom00030000000001)
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