[DeTomaso] Fun Rally Chronicles, Day 11

[Christopher Kimball]

Day 11, June 2nd:  The only thing that’s constant is
change—as in travel plans


First, the good news:  I’m writing this from a hotel in Redding, CA,
and Pandora is parked in front of my room resting under her car cover.  I babied the clutch and made it here without
spraying parts all over the freeway.

 

But let me start from the
beginning of the day.  I woke up and had
a rather sparse breakfast.  Stress can
affect one’s appetite, it turns out, and I was worried about what today might
bring—mechanically-speaking.  I had a
bowl of Frosted Flakes and a yoghurt, and that was it.

 

I packed up and gingerly
drove from the hotel to Highway 101, accelerating rather briskly a couple of
times to make lights that had the audacity to change to yellow just as I was
approaching.  Once on the Highway, things
were great.  The only problem was that
every couple of hours one of my stereo amps would thermally shut off.  After a short while it would come back to
life so I could once again enjoy the high- and mid-frequencies.  Some would say this is an indication I’m
listening to the music at a higher-than-necessary decibel level.  To that I have only one response:  “Did you say something?”

 

I had mapped out a route
that would have taken me from Highway 101 east to I-5 on some roads numbered
46, 41, and a few others, but as I approached the cutoff it appeared they were
much smaller roads filled with stop lights and other things which are not desirable
when one is driving with a questionable clutch. 
Until then I had been able to travel at or above the speed limit on 101
without any problems, so at the last minute I decided to follow the GPS (more
foreshadowing) and stay on 101.

 

This was fine for a while,
but all of a sudden, for no reason, everyone driving on the freeway decided to
come to a complete halt.  I have a
picture of that, but it’s not very good, since I was trying to drive without
shifting in bumper-to-bumper traffic while taking the picture.  If I can do that, at least I know it is quite
possible for me to walk and chew gum at the same time.  In the picture, you’ll notice the gap between
my car and the car in front of me; that’s because I was trying to leave my car
in 1st gear and just creep along rather than stopping and starting
over and over.  It worked quite well,
except when the occasional dork saw the gap, realized his or her life would be
complete by achieving that extra 7 feet of forward motion, and cut in front of
me.  D’oh!

 

It was silly—people just
stopped!  There was no merging, no
accident; it was almost as if they somehow got together beforehand and
discussed the best way to frustrate Chris Kimball.

 

The backup eventually cleared
and I still had a clutch, so I breathed a sigh of relief.  That sigh turned into a gasp a short while
later, however, because out of nowhere there suddenly appeared a toll
booth.  This was on a six-lane
highway!  Don’t they collect enough taxes
already without having to set up obstacle courses for those of us with dodgy
clutches?  

 

Unlike the mystery toll-booths
I ran into on my way down to San Diego, these had actual human beings in
them.  They were taking money the
old-fashioned way, which means they had to give change to almost everyone
(which is odd, since the toll was an even $5). 
This mean progress at a snail’s pace. 
  

 

If there is a worse situation
in which to be when you don’t want to use your clutch pedal, I don’t know what
it would be.  I was behind about 25 cars
and could only move forward one car-length at a time before having to stop
again.  The tragic irony of the situation
was more than I could stand.  I tried to
be quick as I could with the in-and-out motion of the clutch pedal, but even
so, as I inched forward in the 90-degree heat I could almost hear the clutch
disintegrating.

 

Unbelievably, I made it
through the stupid toll booth as well as a couple of other traffic jams and
arrived at the Quality Inn in Redding in one piece.  I can tell I have more free-play in the
clutch pedal than I did a week ago, and when I engage the clutch and put the
car in gear the motor lugs a bit.  The car
doesn’t creep forward, but I think that may begin to happen soon.  Let’s hope “soon” means after I get to
University Place.  

 

I don’t trust gas gauges
much, so I stopped to refuel about 40 miles before I got to Redding, and while
there noticed an Arby’s right next to the gas station.  I was quite pleased since I love Arby’s food,
and their Jamoca Shakes are great.  I was
even more excited to find their shake-of-the-month was Orange Cream—one of my
many favorites.

 

You can imagine how
distraught I was when they told me their shake machine was broken.  WHAT? 
We can put a man on the moon but we can’t keep our Arby’s milkshake-makers
working?  What is wrong with these
people??

 

Some people know how to
improvise when their car breaks down.  I’m
not so good at that.  Some people know
how to improvise when Arby’s milkshake-makers breaks down.  I’m very good at that.  I immediately went to the little store which
was a part of the entire Arby’s/Subway/convenience store/gas station complex,
and purchased a pint of vanilla ice cream and a vanilla Frappuccino
(bottled).   Using the microwave oven to soften the ice
cream, and with the help of a plastic fork for blending, it wasn’t long before
I had a very tasty milkshake.  

 

You think a broken machine
is going to stop me from having a milkshake? 
I might get stranded on the side of a freeway thanks to faulty
mechanicals, but no way am I going to miss out on my staple diet.  You can see the before and after photos of
the ingredients and finished product.  I
also had an Arby’s chicken sandwich.  It
had some lettuce and tomato slices on it, so it was really nutritious.

 

While I was enjoying my
feast, Clarke Hamm called me.  He said he
was wondering about my progress.  It
turns out he and his wife, Wilma, will be travelling North on I-5 tomorrow,
heading home.  He wanted me to let him
know if I ran into trouble, since they would be able to catch up with me if I
needed help.  Once again, the spirit of
The Pantera Owners’ Club of America is clearly demonstrated.  Know this: 
If Clarke and Wilma ever have a blender malfunction right before an
important dinner, I stand ready to return the favor.

 

The nice woman who greeted
me at the reception desk of the Quality Inn recognized Pandora as a Pantera,
which I thought was pretty impressive.  It
turns out she used to own a red, 1970 Corvette. 
I told her that was the exact kind of car I was intending to buy before
I ended up buying a Pantera.  What I didn’t
tell her was that if I had purchased a Corvette instead of a Pantera I probably
could have been retired by now.  

 

Here’s the best part:  We chatted for a few minutes, and she gave me
a room between unoccupied rooms.  She did
this specifically so Pandora would have a good chance of being parked without
other cars around her.  She even said she’d
tell the person on the next shift to fill the rooms at the front of the hotel
first, to keep this part of the parking lot sparse.  Only a car person would get that whole
idea.  Not only that, because I was “such
a nice guy,” she gave me a 25% room-rate discount on top of the AAA discount
for which I already qualified.  This unequivocally
proves that being friendly is better than the alternative.  

 

I got to my hotel room in
time to watch 24.  Except for the torture
scenes, I enjoyed it as usual.  It’s good
for me to watch that show and here’s why: 
Now I’ve discovered for sure my car’s air-conditioning R-12 has all
leaked out, I can put my suffering in perspective.  I’m just sweating a little while the poor
people on 24 have to deal with bad guys who force them to talk by using Tasers
and electric drills…

 

After tomorrow’s complimentary
breakfast (I always tell them how good the breakfast is—isn’t that what you’re
supposed to do to make it a “complimentary breakfast?”) I’ll be driving for
almost 10 hours.  This will be the
longest continuous drive during the whole trip. 
Compressing the number of days is hard on the gluteus maximus (even in
newly-recovered seats), but does get me home a couple of days early, which will
be nice.

 

Note to my staff:  Don’t worry—I still won’t come into the office
until Monday.  Well, maybe for a short time on Friday…

 

One more day to go—let’s
hope Pandora comes through in the clutch (get it??) 		 	   		  
-------------- next part --------------
   Day 11, June 2nd:  The only thing thats constant is changeas in travel
   plans

   First, the good news:  Im writing this from a hotel in Redding, CA, and
   Pandora is parked in front of my room resting under her car cover.  I
   babied the clutch and made it here without spraying parts all over the
   freeway.


   But let me start from the beginning of the day.  I woke up and had a
   rather sparse breakfast.  Stress can affect ones appetite, it turns
   out, and I was worried about what today might
   bringmechanically-speaking.  I had a bowl of Frosted Flakes and a
   yoghurt, and that was it.


   I packed up and gingerly drove from the hotel to Highway 101,
   accelerating rather briskly a couple of times to make lights that had
   the audacity to change to yellow just as I was approaching.  Once on
   the Highway, things were great.  The only problem was that every couple
   of hours one of my stereo amps would thermally shut off.  After a short
   while it would come back to life so I could once again enjoy the high-
   and mid-frequencies.  Some would say this is an indication Im listening
   to the music at a higher-than-necessary decibel level.  To that I have
   only one response:  Did you say something?


   I had mapped out a route that would have taken me from Highway 101 east
   to I-5 on some roads numbered 46, 41, and a few others, but as I
   approached the cutoff it appeared they were much smaller roads filled
   with stop lights and other things which are not desirable when one is
   driving with a questionable clutch.  Until then I had been able to
   travel at or above the speed limit on 101 without any problems, so at
   the last minute I decided to follow the GPS (more foreshadowing) and
   stay on 101.


   This was fine for a while, but all of a sudden, for no reason, everyone
   driving on the freeway decided to come to a complete halt.  I have a
   picture of that, but its not very good, since I was trying to drive
   without shifting in bumper-to-bumper traffic while taking the picture.
   If I can do that, at least I know it is quite possible for me to walk
   and chew gum at the same time.  In the picture, youll notice the gap
   between my car and the car in front of me; thats because I was trying
   to leave my car in 1^st gear and just creep along rather than stopping
   and starting over and over.  It worked quite well, except when the
   occasional dork saw the gap, realized his or her life would be complete
   by achieving that extra 7 feet of forward motion, and cut in front of
   me.  Doh!


   It was sillypeople just stopped!  There was no merging, no accident; it
   was almost as if they somehow got together beforehand and discussed the
   best way to frustrate Chris Kimball.


   The backup eventually cleared and I still had a clutch, so I breathed a
   sigh of relief.  That sigh turned into a gasp a short while later,
   however, because out of nowhere there suddenly appeared a toll booth.
   This was on a six-lane highway!  Dont they collect enough taxes already
   without having to set up obstacle courses for those of us with dodgy
   clutches?


   Unlike the mystery toll-booths I ran into on my way down to San Diego,
   these had actual human beings in them.  They were taking money the
   old-fashioned way, which means they had to give change to almost
   everyone (which is odd, since the toll was an even $5).  This mean
   progress at a snails pace.


   If there is a worse situation in which to be when you dont want to use
   your clutch pedal, I dont know what it would be.  I was behind about 25
   cars and could only move forward one car-length at a time before having
   to stop again.  The tragic irony of the situation was more than I could
   stand.  I tried to be quick as I could with the in-and-out motion of
   the clutch pedal, but even so, as I inched forward in the 90-degree
   heat I could almost hear the clutch disintegrating.


   Unbelievably, I made it through the stupid toll booth as well as a
   couple of other traffic jams and arrived at the Quality Inn in Redding
   in one piece.  I can tell I have more free-play in the clutch pedal
   than I did a week ago, and when I engage the clutch and put the car in
   gear the motor lugs a bit.  The car doesnt creep forward, but I think
   that may begin to happen soon.  Lets hope soon means after I get to
   University Place.


   I dont trust gas gauges much, so I stopped to refuel about 40 miles
   before I got to Redding, and while there noticed an Arbys right next to
   the gas station.  I was quite pleased since I love Arbys food, and
   their Jamoca Shakes are great.  I was even more excited to find their
   shake-of-the-month was Orange Creamone of my many favorites.


   You can imagine how distraught I was when they told me their shake
   machine was broken.  WHAT?  We can put a man on the moon but we cant
   keep our Arbys milkshake-makers working?  What is wrong with these
   people??


   Some people know how to improvise when their car breaks down.  Im not
   so good at that.  Some people know how to improvise when Arbys
   milkshake-makers breaks down.  Im very good at that.  I immediately
   went to the little store which was a part of the entire
   Arbys/Subway/convenience store/gas station complex, and purchased a
   pint of vanilla ice cream and a vanilla Frappuccino (bottled).   Using
   the microwave oven to soften the ice cream, and with the help of a
   plastic fork for blending, it wasnt long before I had a very tasty
   milkshake.


   You think a broken machine is going to stop me from having a
   milkshake?  I might get stranded on the side of a freeway thanks to
   faulty mechanicals, but no way am I going to miss out on my staple
   diet.  You can see the before and after photos of the ingredients and
   finished product.  I also had an Arbys chicken sandwich.  It had some
   lettuce and tomato slices on it, so it was really nutritious.


   While I was enjoying my feast, Clarke Hamm called me.  He said he was
   wondering about my progress.  It turns out he and his wife, Wilma, will
   be travelling North on I-5 tomorrow, heading home.  He wanted me to let
   him know if I ran into trouble, since they would be able to catch up
   with me if I needed help.  Once again, the spirit of The Pantera Owners
   Club of America is clearly demonstrated.  Know this:  If Clarke and
   Wilma ever have a blender malfunction right before an important dinner,
   I stand ready to return the favor.


   The nice woman who greeted me at the reception desk of the Quality Inn
   recognized Pandora as a Pantera, which I thought was pretty
   impressive.  It turns out she used to own a red, 1970 Corvette.  I told
   her that was the exact kind of car I was intending to buy before I
   ended up buying a Pantera.  What I didnt tell her was that if I had
   purchased a Corvette instead of a Pantera I probably could have been
   retired by now.


   Heres the best part:  We chatted for a few minutes, and she gave me a
   room between unoccupied rooms.  She did this specifically so Pandora
   would have a good chance of being parked without other cars around
   her.  She even said shed tell the person on the next shift to fill the
   rooms at the front of the hotel first, to keep this part of the parking
   lot sparse.  Only a car person would get that whole idea.  Not only
   that, because I was such a nice guy, she gave me a 25% room-rate
   discount on top of the AAA discount for which I already qualified.
   This unequivocally proves that being friendly is better than the
   alternative.


   I got to my hotel room in time to watch 24.  Except for the torture
   scenes, I enjoyed it as usual.  Its good for me to watch that show and
   heres why:  Now Ive discovered for sure my cars air-conditioning R-12
   has all leaked out, I can put my suffering in perspective.  Im just
   sweating a little while the poor people on 24 have to deal with bad
   guys who force them to talk by using Tasers and electric drills


   After tomorrows complimentary breakfast (I always tell them how good
   the breakfast isisnt that what youre supposed to do to make it a
   complimentary breakfast?) Ill be driving for almost 10 hours.  This
   will be the longest continuous drive during the whole trip.
   Compressing the number of days is hard on the gluteus maximus (even in
   newly-recovered seats), but does get me home a couple of days early,
   which will be nice.


   Note to my staff:  Dont worryI still wont come into the office until
   Monday.  Well, maybe for a short time on Friday


   One more day to golets hope Pandora comes through in the clutch (get
   it??)