[DeTomaso] The Pantera Wedding

[Charles Engles]

Dear Dave,


             Mercifully, it was not my experience, but that of a good friend
who gave me permission to relate his comical Pantera Wedding story.  It is
so bad that it is funny.

                          Warmest regards, Chuck Engles


-----Original Message-----
From: detomaso-bounces at poca.com [mailto:detomaso-bounces at poca.com] On Behalf
Of dave londry
Sent: Wednesday, September 18, 2013 8:49 PM
To: detomaso at poca.com
Subject: Re: [DeTomaso] The Pantera Wedding

Your description has the feeling of first-hand knowledge, dave

On 18/09/2013 6:41 PM, Charles Engles wrote:
> Dear Forum,
>
>   
>
>   
>
>                 The Pantera Wedding Story
>
>   
>
> A man had a Pantera.  A nice mild mannered and well regarded man had a
> Pantera.   His son was engaged to be married.  The fiancé had the idea for
> the departure from the church to be in her future father-in-law’s 
> Italian sports car driven by her soon to be husband.  She was 
> enchanted with the idea.  The son approached the father with the Big 
> Plan.  Dad voiced some lukewarm support, but was nonetheless very
concerned.
>
>   
>
> His first concern was that his son had never driven a manual 
> transmission car much less the Pantera.  He had never been interested.  
> He didn’t care much about cars.  His second concern was the little 
> voice about his Pantera’s well known ability to obey Murphy’s Law.
>
>   
>
> He brought his problem to me and I counseled him.  I agreed that the 
> Big Plan was a Bad Plan.  We discussed other options that did not 
> involve manual transmissions and that did include other automatic
transmission sports cars.
> He remembered that he still had his mother’s classic Jaguar sedan in 
> storage that could work well.
>
>   
>
> I also pointed out that fitting a newly married bride in her elaborate 
> wedding dress in the passenger seat of a Pantera might be difficult 
> enough to dissuade the bride.  That strategy was well taken.
>
>   
>
> In preparation for the event, it was found that the Pantera needed a 
> new battery.  After it was installed it was found that the hood 
> wouldn’t close and latch.  No obvious cause was found, but removal of the
latch spring
> permitted closure and latching.   A small victory over Murphy.
>
>   
>
> Optimism increased.  The son practiced driving a manual in the Honda, but
> never in the Pantera.   As the day drew closer, a test fitting of the
> bride-to-be in the Pantera, showed that she didn’t think that there 
> would be a problem even with her wedding dress.  Rats.
>
>   
>
> On the day before the wedding, there had still been no Pantera 
> practice for the groom.  Finally, there was an intense session and a 
> satisfactory, but not skillful performance was accomplished.  He only 
> needed to drive it three blocks on residential streets and didn’t even
need to shift out of first.
> The Pantera was cleaned up.  What could go wrong?
>
>   
>
> Dad decided to get the Jaguar anyway.  He went to the storage facility.
> Problem number one: four flat tires.    Problem number two: the keys
> couldn’t be found at home nor anywhere hidden in the car.    Anxiety was
> building.
>
>   
>
> On the day of the wedding, the Pantera was strategically parked near 
> its “stage entrance” with the windows cracked open in the summer heat.  
> Dad had two sets of keys to prevent another Jaguar disaster.
>
>   
>
> One hundred and sixty seven people attended the wedding.  The ceremony 
> moved along to the dramatic departure of the happy couple.  People 
> moved outside the church.  Dad went out to start the Pantera and 
> position it in front of the door for the bride and groom to drive away.
>
>   
>
> Dad in his tuxedo walked over to his Pantera and put the key in the door
to
> open it.   It wouldn’t open.  He checked that it is the right key.
Further
> quick frustrating tries didn’t work.  Nonchalantly, he quickly went to 
> the passenger door.  The same problem: unbelievably, the door key 
> isn’t working to open the doors.  The couple has appeared at the 
> church door.  Everyone is looking at Dad as the rice and confetti and
streamers are being consumed.
> In short order the unexpected pause in the departure becomes more 
> obvious as the flying potpourri does run out.  One of the bride’s 
> family members tries to help the increasingly upset Pantera owner.  He 
> proceeds to try to use the ignition key in the door lock producing 
> some harsh words as Dad reclaimed his keys.  Finally, a brain storm 
> happened.  Someone ran inside the church and retrieved a coat hanger.  
> Dad proceeded to open the Pantera through the slightly open windows.  
> With the Pantera finally open, it started immediately and the bride 
> and groom took off a bit later than planned.  They also left behind a lot
of mixed feelings in Dad about the whole affair.
>
>   
>
> The next phase of the celebration was to be downtown.  The Pantera’s home
> garage was on the way to the reception.   Dad picked up the Pantera three
> blocks away, which had wisely been left unlocked.  It started up and 
> he headed home as night was very quickly falling.  A short distance into
the
> trip, Murphy struck again.   Dad was calmly driving along when he had the
> incredibly helpless feeling of watching his headlights spontaneously sink
> into the hood as darkness engulfed the front of the Pantera.   No
> headlights.  No taillights according to the chase vehicle behind him and
no
> flashers.   In a moment or two, they unexpectedly spontaneously came back
> up
..followed a few minutes later by another failure of the lighting
system.
> This happened about ten times over the eight mile trip home.
>
>   
>
> Finally, with Murphy’s Pantera safely stored back at home, Dad went on to
> the reception and reflected on the departure debacle.   It seems that his
> first gut reaction was right about not wanting to use the Pantera in 
> the wedding and he sure as hell wished that he been able to find the 
> damn keys to the Jaguar.
>
>   
>
> This is a true story.
>
>   
>
>   
>
>                     Respectfully yours,  Chuck Engles
>
>   
>
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