[DeTomaso] The Pantera Wedding
Mike Drew
MikeLDrew at aol.com
Wed Sep 18 22:03:07 EDT 2013
I'm so glad Lori and I decided to leave ours parked! :)
Mike
Sent from my iPhone
On Sep 18, 2013, at 18:41, " Charles Engles" <cengles at cox.net> wrote:
> Dear Forum,
>
>
>
>
>
> The Pantera Wedding Story
>
>
>
> A man had a Pantera. A nice mild mannered and well regarded man had a
> Pantera. His son was engaged to be married. The fiancé had the idea for
> the departure from the church to be in her future father-in-law’s Italian
> sports car driven by her soon to be husband. She was enchanted with the
> idea. The son approached the father with the Big Plan. Dad voiced some
> lukewarm support, but was nonetheless very concerned.
>
>
>
> His first concern was that his son had never driven a manual transmission
> car much less the Pantera. He had never been interested. He didn’t care
> much about cars. His second concern was the little voice about his
> Pantera’s well known ability to obey Murphy’s Law.
>
>
>
> He brought his problem to me and I counseled him. I agreed that the Big
> Plan was a Bad Plan. We discussed other options that did not involve manual
> transmissions and that did include other automatic transmission sports cars.
> He remembered that he still had his mother’s classic Jaguar sedan in storage
> that could work well.
>
>
>
> I also pointed out that fitting a newly married bride in her elaborate
> wedding dress in the passenger seat of a Pantera might be difficult enough
> to dissuade the bride. That strategy was well taken.
>
>
>
> In preparation for the event, it was found that the Pantera needed a new
> battery. After it was installed it was found that the hood wouldn’t close
> and latch. No obvious cause was found, but removal of the latch spring
> permitted closure and latching. A small victory over Murphy.
>
>
>
> Optimism increased. The son practiced driving a manual in the Honda, but
> never in the Pantera. As the day drew closer, a test fitting of the
> bride-to-be in the Pantera, showed that she didn’t think that there would be
> a problem even with her wedding dress. Rats.
>
>
>
> On the day before the wedding, there had still been no Pantera practice for
> the groom. Finally, there was an intense session and a satisfactory, but
> not skillful performance was accomplished. He only needed to drive it three
> blocks on residential streets and didn’t even need to shift out of first.
> The Pantera was cleaned up. What could go wrong?
>
>
>
> Dad decided to get the Jaguar anyway. He went to the storage facility.
> Problem number one: four flat tires. Problem number two: the keys
> couldn’t be found at home nor anywhere hidden in the car. Anxiety was
> building.
>
>
>
> On the day of the wedding, the Pantera was strategically parked near its
> “stage entrance” with the windows cracked open in the summer heat. Dad had
> two sets of keys to prevent another Jaguar disaster.
>
>
>
> One hundred and sixty seven people attended the wedding. The ceremony moved
> along to the dramatic departure of the happy couple. People moved outside
> the church. Dad went out to start the Pantera and position it in front of
> the door for the bride and groom to drive away.
>
>
>
> Dad in his tuxedo walked over to his Pantera and put the key in the door to
> open it. It wouldn’t open. He checked that it is the right key. Further
> quick frustrating tries didn’t work. Nonchalantly, he quickly went to the
> passenger door. The same problem: unbelievably, the door key isn’t working
> to open the doors. The couple has appeared at the church door. Everyone is
> looking at Dad as the rice and confetti and streamers are being consumed.
> In short order the unexpected pause in the departure becomes more obvious as
> the flying potpourri does run out. One of the bride’s family members tries
> to help the increasingly upset Pantera owner. He proceeds to try to use the
> ignition key in the door lock producing some harsh words as Dad reclaimed
> his keys. Finally, a brain storm happened. Someone ran inside the church
> and retrieved a coat hanger. Dad proceeded to open the Pantera through the
> slightly open windows. With the Pantera finally open, it started
> immediately and the bride and groom took off a bit later than planned. They
> also left behind a lot of mixed feelings in Dad about the whole affair.
>
>
>
> The next phase of the celebration was to be downtown. The Pantera’s home
> garage was on the way to the reception. Dad picked up the Pantera three
> blocks away, which had wisely been left unlocked. It started up and he
> headed home as night was very quickly falling. A short distance into the
> trip, Murphy struck again. Dad was calmly driving along when he had the
> incredibly helpless feeling of watching his headlights spontaneously sink
> into the hood as darkness engulfed the front of the Pantera. No
> headlights. No taillights according to the chase vehicle behind him and no
> flashers. In a moment or two, they unexpectedly spontaneously came back
> up…..followed a few minutes later by another failure of the lighting system.
> This happened about ten times over the eight mile trip home.
>
>
>
> Finally, with Murphy’s Pantera safely stored back at home, Dad went on to
> the reception and reflected on the departure debacle. It seems that his
> first gut reaction was right about not wanting to use the Pantera in the
> wedding and he sure as hell wished that he been able to find the damn keys
> to the Jaguar.
>
>
>
> This is a true story.
>
>
>
>
>
> Respectfully yours, Chuck Engles
>
>
>
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