[DeTomaso] The Pantera Wedding

[Charles Engles]

Dear Forum,

 

 

               The Pantera Wedding Story

 

A man had a Pantera.  A nice mild mannered and well regarded man had a
Pantera.   His son was engaged to be married.  The fiancé had the idea for
the departure from the church to be in her future father-in-law’s Italian
sports car driven by her soon to be husband.  She was enchanted with the
idea.  The son approached the father with the Big Plan.  Dad voiced some
lukewarm support, but was nonetheless very concerned.

 

His first concern was that his son had never driven a manual transmission
car much less the Pantera.  He had never been interested.  He didn’t care
much about cars.  His second concern was the little voice about his
Pantera’s well known ability to obey Murphy’s Law.

 

He brought his problem to me and I counseled him.  I agreed that the Big
Plan was a Bad Plan.  We discussed other options that did not involve manual
transmissions and that did include other automatic transmission sports cars.
He remembered that he still had his mother’s classic Jaguar sedan in storage
that could work well.

 

I also pointed out that fitting a newly married bride in her elaborate
wedding dress in the passenger seat of a Pantera might be difficult enough
to dissuade the bride.  That strategy was well taken.

 

In preparation for the event, it was found that the Pantera needed a new
battery.  After it was installed it was found that the hood wouldn’t close
and latch.  No obvious cause was found, but removal of the latch spring
permitted closure and latching.   A small victory over Murphy.

 

Optimism increased.  The son practiced driving a manual in the Honda, but
never in the Pantera.   As the day drew closer, a test fitting of the
bride-to-be in the Pantera, showed that she didn’t think that there would be
a problem even with her wedding dress.  Rats.

 

On the day before the wedding, there had still been no Pantera practice for
the groom.  Finally, there was an intense session and a satisfactory, but
not skillful performance was accomplished.  He only needed to drive it three
blocks on residential streets and didn’t even need to shift out of first.
The Pantera was cleaned up.  What could go wrong?

 

Dad decided to get the Jaguar anyway.  He went to the storage facility.
Problem number one: four flat tires.    Problem number two: the keys
couldn’t be found at home nor anywhere hidden in the car.    Anxiety was
building.

 

On the day of the wedding, the Pantera was strategically parked near its
“stage entrance” with the windows cracked open in the summer heat.  Dad had
two sets of keys to prevent another Jaguar disaster.   

 

One hundred and sixty seven people attended the wedding.  The ceremony moved
along to the dramatic departure of the happy couple.  People moved outside
the church.  Dad went out to start the Pantera and position it in front of
the door for the bride and groom to drive away.

 

Dad in his tuxedo walked over to his Pantera and put the key in the door to
open it.   It wouldn’t open.  He checked that it is the right key.  Further
quick frustrating tries didn’t work.  Nonchalantly, he quickly went to the
passenger door.  The same problem: unbelievably, the door key isn’t working
to open the doors.  The couple has appeared at the church door.  Everyone is
looking at Dad as the rice and confetti and streamers are being consumed.
In short order the unexpected pause in the departure becomes more obvious as
the flying potpourri does run out.  One of the bride’s family members tries
to help the increasingly upset Pantera owner.  He proceeds to try to use the
ignition key in the door lock producing some harsh words as Dad reclaimed
his keys.  Finally, a brain storm happened.  Someone ran inside the church
and retrieved a coat hanger.  Dad proceeded to open the Pantera through the
slightly open windows.  With the Pantera finally open, it started
immediately and the bride and groom took off a bit later than planned.  They
also left behind a lot of mixed feelings in Dad about the whole affair.

 

The next phase of the celebration was to be downtown.  The Pantera’s home
garage was on the way to the reception.   Dad picked up the Pantera three
blocks away, which had wisely been left unlocked.  It started up and he
headed home as night was very quickly falling.  A short distance into the
trip, Murphy struck again.   Dad was calmly driving along when he had the
incredibly helpless feeling of watching his headlights spontaneously sink
into the hood as darkness engulfed the front of the Pantera.   No
headlights.  No taillights according to the chase vehicle behind him and no
flashers.   In a moment or two, they unexpectedly spontaneously came back
up
..followed a few minutes later by another failure of the lighting system.
This happened about ten times over the eight mile trip home.

 

Finally, with Murphy’s Pantera safely stored back at home, Dad went on to
the reception and reflected on the departure debacle.   It seems that his
first gut reaction was right about not wanting to use the Pantera in the
wedding and he sure as hell wished that he been able to find the damn keys
to the Jaguar.

 

This is a true story. 

 

 

                   Respectfully yours,  Chuck Engles