[DeTomaso] Pandora's Perils Part VI: Don't sneeze on a priceless car

Christopher Kimball chrisvkimball at msn.com
Sat Apr 28 03:25:43 EDT 2012


Today's activities began with a 40-minute drive from the hotel to what the Fun Rally program called the "Scottsdale Auto Museum."  Since Mike Thomas had flown to Phoenix and didn't have a car here, he hitched a ride with me--his first trip in the legendary Pandora.  

The "museum" is actually a private collection owned by, I believe, three different individuals, and consisted of cars you have probably only seen if you've visited the Pebble Beach Concours or spend a lot of time reading the Robb Report.  Many of these cars were 1950's or 1960's European one-offs or maybe one of only several that exist in the world.  Currently, the only way to have the chance to see these cars is to get a private invitation; however they are hoping to soon open the facility to the public as a museum.  If they do, the first thing they should consider is adding air conditioning!  I wore long pants today, thinking a museum would be cool.  Well, it was really cool, except just not in terms of the ambient temperature.  The gentleman who gave us the tour was knowledgeable and entertaining.  He was one of the people who worked on the cars, restoring them and keeping them in fine fettle--a full restoration shop was part of the facility.

The cars included quite a number of Zagato-bodied and other famous coachworks companies' specials, including Lancias, Ferraris, Porches, Jaguars, a Bentley, a Lamborghini, Fiats, Maseratis and more.  It was absolutely unreal.  The thing that fascinates me the most, is how a car can be worth $20,000,000.00, when anyone could build 10 exact replicas for the same money.  I understand the car may have an incredible history; racing provenance or famous owners or legendary features, but is that worth so many millions?  I guess it is to those who can afford such "toys."  All I know is that with none of the cars surrounded by any sort of stanchions or protection (we were asked not to touch them), I was terrified that I would peer into a priceless car and then sneeze all sorts of difficult-to-remove substances into the 50-year-old leather that once touched Piero Carini's bottom.  Just knowing I was around such rich history--many of these cars had raced in (and sometimes won) such events as the Mille Miglia or Le Mans--was an amazing sensation.  This was an incredible experience, and alone made this entire trip worth it.

Following the museum tour, we traveled to a restaurant called "Carlsbad Tavern."  It had a few decorations depicting bats.  There seems to be an ongoing theme of dodgy marketing here in Arizona; Carlsbad Tavern being a play on "Carlsbad Cavern"--hence the bats.  Clever, huh?

Since I've been enjoying a rather bachelor-like meal plan on this trip, I decided to order a chicken salad for lunch, along with three glasses of lemonade.  At first blush, this sounds as if it is the first normal meal I've had.  Well, the truth is they didn't have any ice cream (!), so I added a bunch of sugar to the lemonade, since it wasn't very sweet, and then had a piece of Key Lime pie and a glass of milk for dessert.  Still, compared to what I normally eat, today's lunch was pretty much health food.  I shared my end of the table with Mike Thomas, Dave Andreson (that's not a misprint--it really is Andreson), Steve and Kim Griffin, and John Callan.  John used to own airplanes, but doesn't, nor ever has, owned a Pantera.  He was at the Rally with his Panterra-owning friend, John McIver.  I asked him why he was at our table instead of his friend John's table, and he told me it was "just the way it worked out."  I'm a bit suspicious of that explanation, though.  I remember in high school I took a girl to a dance and she ended up getting a ride home with someone else, and she used the same excuse...

After lunch we drove back to the hotel, and I began to feel a headache coming on.  It turned into a nasty migraine, and if you have ever had one, you know how awful they are.  If you haven't had one, you don't want to know.  This proved two things:  1) the fact that I eat a lot of ice cream and sugar isn't the cause of my migraines because I had just eaten a salad (maybe eating healthy food is the problem...), and 2) stress can't be the only reason I get migraines, because right now I'm on vacation.  Wait a second; Mike and I were in the same car for almost an hour; he's the one who should have gotten the migraine!

I got back to my room at about 3 PM and was dismayed to find the room hadn't been made up yet, so I hung a "do not disturb" sign on my door and tried to take a nap.  I eventually resorted to taking my stupid, overpriced prescription migraine medicine and got a few minutes of shut-eye.  Some time later I woke up to find that it was almost 6 PM, and that's when the drag races were supposed to start.  I hurried down to the parking lot and drove to the track.

I needn't have worried about being late, since the program seemed to be off a little.  The races were actually scheduled to start at 7.  I relaxed for a few minutes in the stands, in which there were only four other people seated.  I really enjoyed the temperature, since the sun was setting and it was finally becoming less than a million degrees.  Never once did I wish I had dressed in layers.

A few minutes after 7, the racing started.  It was really fun to see all sorts of cars screaming down the 1/4-mile track.  After a few runs some of the Panteras were on deck.  They sounded great and looked fantastic, but most of the times were only moderate.  One or two did quite well, but I think most Pantera owners are reticent to push their cars too hard.  It's too expensive and time-consuming to fix them when they break.  I spent some time chatting with Clarke and Wilma while there, and Clarke actually ran his 9,000-mile time-capsule Pantera down the strip.  He may have achieved a nine-second run at 198 mph, but my memory seems a bit foggy on that...:)

At one point, a Bugatti Veyron made a pass.  It did the quarter mile in just over 10 seconds, and therefore was unceremoniously booted off the track.  The rules state that cars weren't supposed to run faster than 11 seconds, which sounds like a pretty dumb rule to me.  I thought the whole point of a drag strip was to determine how fast one could travel in a vehicle.  It probably has something to do with "safety."  Ah, for the good old days when race cars had rear-only drum brakes and flimsy suspension, and the drivers wore short-sleeve shirts and caps instead of helmets.  Actually, those days weren't so good after all.  There have been some pretty horrific crashes throughout the history of auto racing.

After getting my fill of drag racing, I drove back to the hotel and was thrilled to see the Karaoke machine was set up.  I bribed--I mean, asked the DJ if I could do a little number, and I sang with all my might.  He said, tell me, are you a Christian, child?  I said, Man, I am tonight!  (For those of you who are not music aficionados, the last couple of sentences are a slightly modified segment from the song "Walking in Memphis," the signature song of American singer/songwriter Marc Cohn from his self-titled 1991 album).  Clarke and Wilma showed up poolside, where all the Karaoke action was happening, so I dedicated a song to them.  I'm sure it was the highlight of their existence.

I got back to the room and found it serviced.  However, I did a little experiment I'd like to share with you.  Whenever I travel, I always resent the hotels trying to get me to use the same sheets and towels over and over again.  Part of the joy of staying at a hotel and paying the big bucks for the service is knowing  I don't have to lie in my own filth each night, but that instead, I'll enjoy the sweet smell of fresh linens every day.  On this trip, I called the front desk the first day I arrived and asked them for clean linens each day.  The attendant said that would be no problem, and they always change linens daily anyway.  I made it a point to ask about pillowcases, since it seems to me that changing pillowcases would be one of those time-consuming jobs hotel maids would hate and therefore skip.  I was assured everything would be changed each day, including the pillowcases.

I should have been suspicious when, after the nice lady told me they "always change linens daily," I found the typical "save the planet" card in my room indicating if I did not tell the staff otherwise, my sheets and towels would not be changed daily.  I thought about it and realized I may not be able to tell whether or not the hotel staff were actually doing what they said they would do.  I mean, I like to trust people, but I have been burned before, and now am a little more cynical.  So, I marked each pillowcase and sheet with a mall blob of blue toothpaste this morning (the toothpaste should wash out without damaging the linens) so I could see if the sheets were really changed.

GUESS WHAT!!!!  Same sheets, same pillowcases, same sweaty residue (I may be exaggerating a bit here).  Nothing had been changed.  How annoying!  I told the guy at the front desk I was a little disappointed.  Is it the end of the world?  Of course not, but I don't like being misled.  I'll be interested to see if the tell-tale toothpaste (wasn't that an Edgar Allen Poe story?) is still there tomorrow night.

Now I have to go to bed because someone came up with the brilliant idea of a group Pantera photo tomorrow morning.  The photo idea is great.  The fact I have to be in the parking lot at 8:00 AM isn't!

Sincerely,

Chris 		 	   		  


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