[DeTomaso] Tools

[Fastgrandma at aol.com]

Thought you all would enjoy this one; just in case you need a few pointers~ 
   Judy
And yes, I do know what all these tools are and have used a lot of them.

> 
> COMMON TOOLS DEFINED
> 
>      DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching
>      flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the  
>            chest and flings your  beer across the room, denting the 
> freshly-    painted vertical stabilizer which you had carefully set in the        
>               corner where nothing could get to it.
> 
>     WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them
>     somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light.
>     Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in
>     about the time it takes you to say, "Oh sh!#..."
> 
>     SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
> 
>      PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the
>       creation of blood-blisters.
> 
>     BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert
>     minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
> 
>     HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija
>     board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked,
>     unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its
>     course, the more dismal your future becomes.
> 
>     VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off
>     bolt heads.  If nothing else is available, they can also be
>     used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
> 
>     WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong
>     the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
> 
>     OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting
>       various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for 
> igniting           the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to 
> remove a                bearing race.
> 
>     TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch
>     wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
> 
>     E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder
>       than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby
>        ending any possible future use.
> 
>     BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most          
>               shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that 
> more easily           fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of 
> the line instead of           the outside edge.
> 
>     TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile
>     strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
> 
>     CRAFTSMAN * x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar
>     that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the 
> end           opposite the handle.
> 
>     PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals
>       under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and 
> splashing           oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name 
> implies, to strip out           Phillips screw heads.
> 
>     STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes
>        used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.
> 
>     PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip
>     or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
> 
>     HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
> 
>     HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer 
>         nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most      
>                 expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
> 
>     DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the
>     garage while yelling 'DAMMIT!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, 
>           most often, the next tool that you will need.
> 
> 


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