[DeTomaso] Handy Tool Definitions (non-pantera...but funny)

[Thomas Borcich]

Here
are some handy tool definitions:

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids
or for
opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your
shirt; but
can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw
heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to
convert
common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
bracket you
needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
used as
a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to
the
object we are attempting to hit.

MECHANICS KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on
contents such
as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector
magazines ,
refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts . Especially useful for
slicing work
clothes, but only while in use.

DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage
while
yelling DAMMIT at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the
next tool
that you will need.

Regards,



Tom