[DeTomaso] Hilarious helmet for sale ad

Tue Apr 1 13:22:28 EDT 2008

Man...
  Being in the Bar Biz for over 20 years I can't tell you the number of stories I've heard just like this one! Things are always going to be better IF you just sell your...Bike, Boat, Hot Rod, Pantera, Old Pickup or in my case Bar. You know you can always get another one after we get Mar....
  So Mike did you buy the Helmet?
  Great AD!

clay willmott <claywillmott at hotmail.com> wrote:

Effective add.
Makes me want to buy it just to retell the story.

> Date: Tue, 1 Apr 2008 07:12:06 -0600
> From: adin at frontier.net
> To: detomaso at realbig.com
> Subject: Re: [DeTomaso] Hilarious helmet for sale ad
> 
> They shoot horses, don't they?
> 
> 
> Quoting MikeLDrew at aol.com:
> 
> > Hi guys,
> >
> > While trolling the internet looking for good deals for people to buy helmets
> > so they can join the fun on the track in Las Vegas in just FOUR WEEKS, I
> > stumbled across this ad for a helmet for sale. It's actually the 
> > text plucked
> > from an E-bay ad; the ad is now gone but the text says it all!
> >
> > Mike
> >
> > =====
> >
> >
> > Reprinted exactly from the ad (spelling/grammar are seller’s own):
> >
> > This Helmet is like brand new. I bought it for my wife, but it's to
> >
> > small for her big fat head.You know, it was all a big lie right from
> >
> > the beginning. I asked her if she liked bikes, (i've been riding since
> >
> > i was 9 years old.) She's like "Yeah, I love Motorcycles, they're
> >
> > great!" Now, i'm thinking to myself, this chicks cool, she's hot, has
> >
> > big boobs, and loves motorcycles. I gotta snag this one up
> >
> > quick.Little did i know that as soon as i gave her the engagement
> >
> > ring, all that would change. First, it was a subtle hint, you know,
> >
> > that the wedding's going to be expensive, and that that band costs
> >
> > just as much as my motorcycle. With all these wedding plans going on,
> >
> > i hardly have time to ride my bike. I'm schleping all over the state
> >
> > looking at reception halls, listening to cheesy wedding bands, and
> >
> > picking out floral arrangements. She brings up the fact that i havn't
> >
> > ridden my bike in a while now, (No kidding!! She won't let me out of
> >
> > her sight for more than 5 minutes!) and that maybe i should sell it.
> >
> > Now, that brings a whole lot of tension into the situation. I'm like
> >
> > no way! Then i notice that our sex life has reduced dramatically. A
> >
> > man has gotta do, what he's gotta do, so, i sell the bike, thinking
> >
> > that things will get better. She promises me, that as soon as we get
> >
> > married, she'll get a good job, and then i can get another bike. We
> >
> > get married, and we're having sex everyday. Life is good. The Evil One
> >
> > is looking for work for like, 6 months. I find it hard to believe that
> >
> > she can't find a damn job, but who am i to say? She's just holding out
> >
> > for that Management position she says. To be quite honest, i really
> >
> > don't care, she's cleaning my pipes better than Roto Rooter. Then the
> >
> > kicker
She tells me she's pregnant. All the while i thought she was
> >
> > on the pill! I ask her how this happened, and she said the pill gave
> >
> > her facial hair. (I really couldn't see a difference, after all she is
> >
> > Italian). Fast Foward 9 months
i'm out breaking my back doing manual
> >
> > labor, she's a big, fat, hairy lipped beach ball, with the disposition
> >
> > of a rabid Pit Bull. Nothing i say, or do is good enough for her. The
> >
> > day she gave birth, i thought again, that things will change for the
> >
> > better. WRONG!! Now everythings about the baby. Me, i'm second fiddle.
> >
> > Sex life? Ha! The only time i get some action is when i see her breast
> >
> > feeding the little bastard! I'm going crazy, at least if i had a
> >
> > motorcycle, i could take out some of my frustration. Even the guys at
> >
> > work notice how miserable i've been. One day, my partner rolls up on a
> >
> > brand new bike. I wanted to commit suicide. He knows how bad i wanted
> >
> > another bike. He see's the look in my eye, and asks me if i would like
> >
> > to take it out for a spin Friday night. It was truly the first time i
> >
> > lit up since marrying that bitch. Friday rolls around, i cash my
> >
> > check, and head on over to my partners house. I cruise around for a
> >
> > while, and end up at this little bar on the edge of town. I head up to
> >
> > the bar, place my helmet on it, and order a beer. I look over and see
> >
> > this little hottie chatting it up with her friends. I notice that the
> >
> > eye contact is getting more and more frequent. After a few more
> >
> > minutes, she walks over to me and tells me she just loves motorcycles.
> >
> > That they get her "excited". I ask her if she wants to go for a ride.
> >
> > Her beautifully full lips widen with a pearly white smile. I take that
> >
> > as a yes. I grab her by the hand, and lead her to the bike. She straps
> >
> > on the spare helmet that was on the bike, and away we go. We ride for
> >
> > hours. She taps me on the shoulder, and tells me her apartment is on
> >
> > the next block. Would i want to stop in for a while and have another
> >
> > beer. Who am i to say no? I watch her lead the way, and i can't keep
> >
> > my eyes off of her tight lil' behind. I think back to the days when
> >
> > old hippo ass looked like this. Well, once upstairs, one beer turned
> >
> > into two, and so on. The next thing i know, i'm in bed with her, and
> >
> > she was amazing! It was the best expierence i have ever had. Right
> >
> > then i had an epiphany. I had to be happy. I wasn't going to live a
> >
> > miserable existance for the rest of my life and something had to be
> >
> > done. Long story short, i left my hairy beast of a wife. (She's done
> >
> > good since i left. She remarried an Appliance salesman named Harold.)
> >
> > While i was moving out, i came across the helmet. I don't ever want to
> >
> > be reminded of my miserable past life, so please, make a bid. I have a
> >
> > motorcycle payment to make! The helmet has no scratches, size MED and
> >
> > i would rate it a 9 out of 10 Winning bidder to Pay with PAYPAL ONLY.
> >
> > Winning Bidder to pay all Shipping costs. I ship UPS ONLY. No Zero or
> >
> > Negative Feedback Bidders.
> >
> > =====
> >
> > Now, there's a sales pitch!
> >
> > Mike
> >
> >
> >
> > **************
> > Create a Home Theater Like the Pros. Watch the video on AOL
> > Home.
> > (http://home.aol.com/diy/home-improvement-eric-stromer?video=15&
> > ncid=aolhom00030000000001)
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